Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
