I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
