i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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