3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
