Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
