Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
