took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
