i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
