My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
