Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
It's Friday. Sex?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
