Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I look better un-naked...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Sober January is a disaster.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
