I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
