How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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