Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
