Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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