i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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