I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
