she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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