I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
