my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
