i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
