we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
