They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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