Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
