i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
operation have a gay friend backfired
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
