someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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