I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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