There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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