your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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