I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
