I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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