Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
