You're completely useless in the revolution.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
