just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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