thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
