so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
