the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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