All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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