That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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