did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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