Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
