I have demons in me.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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