I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
