somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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