corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
