I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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