You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
