It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
