So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
