Whod you bang
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
