Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
