Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
