saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
