McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
