Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
